eggplants&virgin
by gabriel.x0
Summary: no money as a payment, Kakashi wants only vegetables and a virgin, and nothing else. for a certain reason of course


-x-x-x-

Usually Sandaime managed to deal with problems, making all the needed decisions in arranging things himself, but this time there was something queer in the whole situation, something even Hokage couldn't decide what to do with, without a good advice. That's why he came to mission room and set down at the free desk. Everybody looked at him surprised, but nobody said anything, busy with their work. Finally he signed and spoke:

"Kakashi has a mind crisis or something similar to light depression. Instead of money, he requested strange things as a fee for a mission he has to accomplish".

Genma whistled, his senbon falling to the floor. Everybody laughed.

"I can vividly imagine what this pervert had asked for!" he said, picking his senbon up from the floor and blowing away imaginary dust.

"Why, can't you send someone else for that mission?" wondered Kotetsu. "Isn't it possible to wait until Kakashi comes to his senses?"

Sandaime stood up and turned to look out of the window.

"It's really impossible. He's the only one who can accomplish an urgent and complicated mission alone, quick and properly".

"So… what did he ask for?" asked Izumo, without looking up from his writing.

Sandaime coughed and said:

"He wants eggplants, onions and carrots, ten kilo each of them…"

"That's not that bad!" muttered Genma. "I thought he'll ask for something impossible or at least more interesting to start with!"

"…and a virgin" continued Sandaime as if he was not interrupted.

"A WHAT?" cried everyone simultaneously.

"A THAT!" said Sandaime angrily.

The room fell into complete silence for a minute or two.

"I don't think he is serious about it" suddenly said Iruka, smiling at Hokage. He was the only calm person in the room, all other man were either stunned or started to giggle hysterically. "Kakashi is never serious!"

"Look who speaks! Usually you are the first one who very seriously yells at him! And now you admit he's never serious?" spitted Genma poisonously. "You are either evil to him or too untutored" he made a pause, then leaned closer to Iruka and added "untutored like a virgin".

Iruka glared at him accusingly, but said nothing.

"By the way, did Kakashi indicate the gender of his request?" asked Izumo.

Sandaime shook his head.

"He did not. Still – where do I get a free virgin which accepts Kakashi?" wondered he.

Genma laughed.

"In Academy, I guess".

"Genma, shut up!" yelled Iruka. "What do you mean by saying such horrible things?"

"If you are so protective, maybe you'll prefer to be a sacrifice for Hatake yourself?" asked Genma, "since you are so innocent, you do not bear hearing even silly talks!"

"Iruka is indeed" nodded Izumo. "And he is always the only one who manages fighting Kakashi's idiotical behavior back".

"Do you advise me to send him Iruka as a virgin?" Hokage was surprised. "Actually, I wanted to make Kakashi think properly and rationally, not to encourage his kinks!"

Genma coughed and came closer to Sandaime.

"I'm sure Iruka is the best decision ever!" he said.

"What?" cried Iruka. "I'm a man! Not a stupid virgin Kakashi requests!"

"Why, with a male you can never be sure in one's virginity. No one can prove it!" declared Izumo conversationally, still continuing the writing.

Sandaime looked at Iruka.

"Can you do it for the village?"

"Now, you make it sound like a noble act of heroism" muttered Iruka.

"And we know you'll have your fun with that bastard!" winked Genma.

-x-x-x-

Iruka stood in the middle of Kakashi's kitchen under his ignorant gaze.

"What for did you request all this vegetables?" he asked.

"I want to preserve them into nice pickled salad" declared Kakashi. "I have a receipt!" he showed Iruka a small piece of dirty paper with some unintelligible writings.

"What for did you request a virgin?" asked Iruka, carefully observing the mountain of vegetables at the table, basically to avoid to look at Kakashi.

"Maa, Iruka, virgins should be the only ones who can cook properly!" said Kakashi calmly.

"Why is that so?" Iruka was amazed.

"Because they have nothing else to do!" shrugged Kakashi.

"This is a rather strange logic" declared Iruka firmly. "And you are completely wrong!"

"Am I?" asked Kakashi sarcastically.

"Yes, you are" nodded Iruka. "For example, I can cook rather good! And that means nothing!"

"So you are a virgin!" smirked Kakashi.

"Why does it make you think so?" frowned Iruka.

"I requested one and here you are" explained Kakashi patiently.

"Your request is not the point. I came here because Sandaime asked me to look what you are up to".

"That's what I said - you are the virgin to cook for me!" declared Kakashi cheerfully.

"Stop this child's games! There is no way the terms 'virginity' and 'cooking' are connected!" Iruka started to get really angry.

"For sure they are" nodded Kakashi.

"For sure they are not!" cried Iruka.

"They are"

"Are not!"

"They are"

"No way!"

"Ready to prove it?" challenged Kakashi, looking at Iruka suspiciously.

"I am!" cried Iruka, punching the table. "But how do I do it?" asked he after a little thinking, completely lost.

Kakashi closed his visible eye in delight.

"We'll make a deal!" he said. "I accomplish this mission and you cook all this stuff according to the receipt. What do you say?"

"I think it's quite fair, only…" Iruka shook his head disapprovingly. "I have things to do, I'm a teacher, you know?"

"A virgin always finds time for cooking!" said Kakashi cheerfully. "I'm leaving today for three days".

"You are an ass, did you know it?" muttered Iruka, taking the receipt in his hands and trying to read it.

"So… will you do it for me?" asked Kakashi hopefully.

Iruka said nothing, staring at the dirty paper.

"Hey, Iruka?" asked Kakashi again.

"Who gave this to you?" Iruka's voice was tensed.

Kakashi shrugged.

"Why would you like to know?" he waited, but Iruka said nothing, just staring at him. "Okay, okay, spare your teacher's gaze for Academy! I found it in my father's papers. I like eggplants and I want to try how it tastes. Is it enough as an explanation for you?"

"With such an amount of vegetables it seems to me you want to bath in it, not only to try the taste" frowned Iruka.

Kakashi signed.

"Not that. To tell you the truth, I'm just not sure I can repeat the trick, so I want a lot of stuff in one turn".

"What if you don't like it?" wondered Iruka.

"What – eggplant? It's always good! Until you'll do something wrong to spoil it purposely!" said Kakashi, narrowing his one visible eye suspiciously.

Iruka lifted his hands up in a soothing gesture.

"I don't know if I could do it purposely. I continue regretting it, but I'm not that bitchy".

"Than you are perfect!" nodded Kakashi.

Iruka thought he misheard the last sentence, but decided not to ask for what. He observed the vegetables again and signed.

"I'll do it for you. But only because it'll be a pity to make all this vegetables rotten".

"Sure thing" smiled Kakashi.

-x-x-x-

It was the fifth day since Kakashi left. Iruka started to worry. He asked himself why did he care at all and answered immediately that it must be his everlasting responsibility for everything. He was almost done with the salad. Now, instead of the raw vegetables, the surface of the kitchen's table was covered only with full jars.

Iruka was closing the jar when he noticed the movement from the corner of his eye. Turning around, he saw Kakashi. Kakashi was sitting on the windowsill and watching him attentively.

"Yo!" said Kakashi. "It's a pleasure to see you so busy for me" said he, stepping to the floor.

"Welcome back" muttered Iruka, a little bit embarrassed with the words and feeling uncomfortable. "I'm almost done here. How was the mission?"

Kakashi shook his head.

"Mission accomplished" he said. "You don't want to know it in details".

Iruka nodded, knowing there would be all these nasty or disgusting details in Kakashi's report anyway, and returned to his work.

"You can try the salad – there is a little bit left in the pot there".

Kakashi came to the oven and took the pot in both hands, sniffing the contents.

"It smells very good. I guess it's tasty" he said starring at the salad.

Iruka watched him, smiling.

"It really is. Try it!"

Kakashi didn't make an attempt to try, only inhaled the smell again. Iruka signed, took the spoon and came to Kakashi.

"Here" he gave Kakashi the spoon, but Kakashi didn't move. "What now?" asked Iruka. "Shall I feed you or what?"

"That could be nice" murmured Kakashi. "I'm just…" he signed, hesitatingly touching the edge of his mask with his fingertips.

Iruka rolled his eyes and returned to the table to finish his work with the jars.

"You could simply ask me to turn away, I respect people's privacy" he closed one more jar and placed it on the table. "And I understand how hard and uncomfortable it is to be shy about something".

"I'm not shy!" said Kakashi firmly.

"Sure you are not" nodded Iruka sarcastically, setting the next jar on the last free table spot.

"I am not!" said Kakashi again.

"Yes, right, I heard that" laughed Iruka.

Kakashi stepped closer to Iruka, grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

"I! Am! Not! Shy!" he growled in Iruka's face angrily.

Iruka looked in his eye and simply smiled.

"Than what are you?" asked Iruka. "Stubborn? Silly? Principled? Afraid? Sniffy?"

Kakashi let Iruka go and receded two steps until his back was pressed against the oven. Not turning away from Iruka and looking strait into his eyes, he took the pot and the spoon, lowered his mask with one smooth movement and started to eat the salad defiantly.

At first Iruka was stunned, he was truly amazed.

"You are beautiful!" said he after a while.

"What you don't say" smiled Kakashi. "And salad is very tasty" added he, taking another full spoon and putting it into his mouth.

"I really mean it!" cried Iruka. "You are beautiful!"

"Yes, right, I heard that" laughed Kakashi, teasing him.

"You are" said Iruka again quietly, staring at Kakashi.

Kakashi stared back, chewing slowly. He was angry with himself for acting like a little kid and lowering his mask simply because of pure emotions. Either Iruka was a really good manipulator or he was getting too emotional… anyway – at least now Kakashi knew that being around Iruka made him act extremely unpredictable and it bothered him.

"Don't you dare tell anyone about it!" said Kakashi seriously.

"About your hundred jars of salad?" asked Iruka innocently, still staring at the lower part of his face greedily.

Kakashi licked the spoon clean, threw it into the pot and set the pot back at the oven. He straitened himself before coming closer to Iruka.

"What the hell are you doing?" muttered Iruka, feeling Kakashi's fingers on his throat, his back pushed to the wall.

Kakashi brought his face closer to Iruka's.

"Don't you dare tell anyone you saw my face without a mask" hissed he.

"You say - no one saw it except me?" asked Iruka in a low voice.

"At least no one who's now alive" Kakashi smirked evilly. Seeing his usual mask changed by such facial expression was scary indeed. Iruka gulped.

"Or what?" asked he.

"What?" Kakashi frowned, not catching the clue.

"What can you do to me if I tell everybody that you are beautiful?"

Kakashi shook his head laughing and put his hands away from Iruka.

"You are something! Let's say… I'll make you regret if you tell anybody how I look under my mask" he went back to the oven, and took a full spoon of salad from the pot.

"Why should I?" wondered Iruka. "I'll better keep it to myself. It's cool to know something no one else knows".

"Good. I won't like hurting you" nodded Kakashi.

Iruka reached the door to leave, but then hesitated and turned around.

"Kakashi… can I… No. Can you…" muttered he shyly, staring at the floor.

"Spit it" smiled Kakashi.

Iruka took a breath and looked Kakashi in the eye.

"Can you show me your face sometimes?" asked he, blushing hard. "Just for a while… I swear – I won't tell anyone you do it".

Kakashi chocked. He started to cough roughly.

"Are you kidding me?"

Iruka shook his head seriously.

"Why should I?" he shrugged.

Kakashi stared at him for a while.

"Well, okay…" he said slightly insecure of Iruka's reasons.

That authorization made Iruka very happy. He smiled at Kakashi brightly, bowed to him and left, catching the last view of Kakashi's face through the closing door.

-x-x-x-

From that moment on Iruka started blushing whenever Kakashi was in his sight. He didn't yell at Kakashi anymore, even when given an awful mission report (not to mention that reports became worse and worse), just looked up shyly and hid the eyes immediately.

Genma went mad about it.

"Iruka, tell me what did he do to you, that bastard! I'll kill him!"

There was no intelligible answer for those intentions. Iruka murmured something neutral, trying to avoid Genma's enthusiastic suggestions of either beating, killing or interrogating Kakashi. Izumo usually rolled his eyes and asked Genma to calm down.

"After all it was your idea to send Iruka to Hatake" he reasoned.

Genma only shrugged on those reproaches.

"I hate it when these two act weird" he said. "When I ask Kakashi what the hell happened between them he tells me he used Iruka the way he needed to use him and that was all. I can't imagine what it was… Well, I can, but… I don't know. I just want the old Iruka back instead of this mentally unstable blushing idiot!"

As the time went on Genma became restless. He whined, demanding to get the answer why was Iruka acting around Kakashi like a silly virgin on a first date. His whimpers were so bad, that one day Iruka couldn't manage it anymore. The mixture of a crazy day with his naughty students plus terrible headache plus Genma's whimpering and minus lunch did the job. Iruka started yelling at Genma.

"Can you please leave me alone, Genma?" cried Iruka. "Yes, I'm not normal self since I fulfilled mission's fee for Kakashi. But nothing! You hear me? Nothing perverted was there! I saw his face and it's the only reason I feel like a stupid schoolgirl! Now fuck the hell off!"

After this performance Iruka grabbed his papers and went out of the mission room in spite of his shift wasn't over jet, not paying attention to stunned people around. He even didn't notice Kakashi, who stood frozen in the doorframe.

Genma was the first one out of stupor. He came close to Kakashi.

"Damn! You see – you and your eggplant ideas! – you scared him to death! He has a mental trauma now!"

Izumo put a hand on Genma's shoulder.

"Stop this comedy already, Genma" he said, scowling. "I think you are fully mistaken. And you, Kakashi… you'd better talk to Iruka now".

"Any tips?" blinked Kakashi.

"Who's the genius?" asked Izumo bitterly.

Nodding slightly, Kakashi disappeared in a puff of a smoke.

"Genma, you are a jerk!" hissed Izumo, giving Genma a cuff on the nape.

Genma looked at him completely amazed.

"Why?" asked he surprised.

"Because Iruka has a crush on Hatake. And you revealed it to everyone, including Hatake himself" Izumo signed and shook his head. "Okay, may be not Hatake…"

Rubbing his hurting nape, Genma returned to his desk.

"You are wrong, Izumo. There is no way Kakashi's scary face makes Iruka so crazy!"

"Did you see his face?" asked Izumo sarcastically.

"Why, I didn't. But I know it must be awful!" smirked Genma.

Izumo laughed.

"Well, you never know one man's kinks!" he declared wisely, and, to make it clear for Genma, added "especially the kinks of such a 'virgin' as our Iruka".

-x-x-x-

Iruka heard the knocking at the door and buried his face in his hands. He didn't want to see anyone. He was fed up with the whole situation and tired of emotions. He didn't know how to behave or how not to think about things that were resided in his head lately.

"Get away" he said quietly.

There was one more knocking, this time at the window. Iruka raised his head slowly and saw Kakashi on his windowsill.

"Yo!" said Kakashi. "Sorry for intruding, but you don't react at door knocking".

Iruka whined and buried face in his hands again.

"If you came to kill me for telling I saw your face – do it quick" he muttered, tensing his body unconsciously.

But there was no sound for a while and Iruka started to fear Kakashi went away. It was a sorrowful feeling of regret for being left alone. Iruka rubbed his face against his sleeve, clinging on a sensation of rough material, and growled helplessly. He signed: as long as self-pitying was the last thing that could help, it was so sweet, damn it!

"Maa, don't swear, sensei" Iruka heard Kakashi's voice near his ear and startled, jumping up from his coach. He realized that jounin was moving around his apartment soundlessly, like he actually should move.

"Sorry for that, I didn't realize I said it aloud" mumbled Iruka, feeling ashamed. He could bet he was beetroot-red now.

Kakashi nodded and pointed to the kitchen.

"I thought I could make us a tea, but it seems that I fail in that" he smiled sheepishly.

Iruka stood up from the coach and went to the kitchen to make tea. While the water was boiling, he noticed that Kakashi stared at him silently.

"So… what are you going to do?" asked Iruka.

Kakashi frowned.

"What do you mean?"

Iruka signed and turned to the oven.

"You said to me not to dare tell anyone I saw you without your mask. But I… I told I saw you. And everyone in the mission room heard it. I presume it's my own fault, please accomplish the punishment".

"I wonder," said Kakashi after visibly thinking a little, "is it the thirst for justice so strong in you, or may be you are a masochist?"

Iruka's eyes grew wide, he stared at Kakashi in complete astonishment.

"The water boils" pointed Kakahi.

Iruka didn't make a move. Kakashi came to the oven and turned it off.

"Are we making the tea or you want to stare at me till the evening comes?" carefully waving the pot in front of Iruka's face, Kakashi tried to understand what to do in such a situation. The teacher was famous for his temper and even the blind man could notice he was completely out of usual self.

"Stop insulting me already, you, pervert!" yelled Iruka suddenly. "I start to regret I agreed to communicate with you at all!"

Kakashi lowered his mask and smiled brightly at Iruka.

"That's it. I'm delighted to see your true self instead of that misery jerk. Can I have a cup of tea now?"

Almost automatically, Iruka started to pure the tea into tea-cups. "Here is your tea" avoiding to look at Kakashi, he pushed a cup into his hand.

Taking the second cup, he went out of kitchen and set down on the coach. Kakashi joined him after a minute.

"So…" said Kakashi, settling comfortably.

"What?" barked Iruka, staring in his cup and pouting.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" muttered Iruka.

"Than let's talk about your punishment" started Kakashi mysteriously.

"What?" cried Iruka and turned his face to Kakashi. Kakashi was smiling teasingly. "You, you…"

"Please go on" asked Kakashi sipping his tea.

Iruka shook his head.

"It's nothing" he whispered, feeling his face was burning. "It's a pity I saw your face, can you make me unsee it?"

Kakashi shuddered.

"It was an act of trust, it has nothing to do with your pity" said Kakashi. "Okay, okay, don't beat me," added he quickly, seeing that Iruka clenched his fists," it was an act of spontaneous silliness caused by your inevitable charisma. Better?"

Iruka shook his head. Kakashi looked at him and growled.

"Don't you fool around with me! I see you are out of character lately. For now the only possibility to return your normal self is to make you mad!" he said firmly.

"There are other possibilities" grunted Iruka.

"And they are…" wondered Kakashi, setting his empty teacup at the table.

"In the books for young genin, and you should know them by heart, there are two options" said Iruka wisely in his famous teachers voice. "They are: to make the person forget the source of his struggles or to shock the person somehow to distract him completely. They say it helps".

"Want to try?" cheered Kakashi.

-x-x-x-

"I said I won't!" cried Kakashi again.

They were discussing this stupid thing for two hours already, without any success.

"I refuse to use sharingan on you!" This time it was Kakashi who pouted. Without his mask it was unforgettably adorable sight, at least in Iruka's opinion.

"I won't be spoiling you, you are a valuable virgin of the village!" repeated Kakashi.

"What do you mean by this 'spoiling'?" Iruka frowned.

"Playing games with consciousness is always fraught with unexpected surprises. And I need you to make more salad for me sometimes" grinned Kakashi.

Iruka couldn't resist and smiled at him.

"Besides – I allow you to tell everyone you saw my face" winked Kakashi. "Just keep all other circumstances private. And be yourself around me, because I miss that yelling and demanding Iruka-sensei".

Iruka laughed delightfully.

"You are too nice today!" he said brightly, lying back on the coach's cushions.

Kakashi smiled at him and, leaning slightly closer, fixed naughty hair strand behind Iruka's ear. As by accident, Kakashi's fingertips tenderly brushed on earlobe. The fact that Iruka had very sensitive ears made it unbearable, Iruka gagged and blushed awfully.

"Sometimes I regret I can't spoil you" whispered Kakashi looking in Iruka's eyes. "And now I mean 'spoil' in different sense of this word".

"But what if you have my permission?" whispered Iruka back with a smile.

Kakashi shook his head, his face very serious.

"No! I think about future, how can I betray the delicious eggplant salad?"

Iruka leaned a little bit closer to him, leering mischievously.

"Didn't I say that good cooking skill and virginity are independent stuff?"

Kakashi nodded, almost touching Iruka's nose with his own.

"You did, but I can't believe that's true".

"So you need an evidence?" asked Iruka, while his smile grew wilder.

"Is it possible to get one?"

"Only a practical way" nodded Iruka, pulling Kakashi down to him in a smooth movement.

-x-x-x-

"You lied to me!" muttered Kakashi in the morning, driving unrounded circles with his spoon. He didn't like what the porridge in his plate look like. The taste was awful too.

"What?" Iruka asked turning to him from the oven.

"You lost your cooking skill!" pointed Kakashi, frowning. "Not that I regret what happened last night, not for one millisecond! But still – it's a fact, because this stuff here is a complete mess!"

Iruka laughed hard and came to the table.

"It's not a mess, you have to add either raisins, or nuts, or fruits, or some chocolate inside".

"Really?" asked Kakashi sarcastically, glaring at his porridge mistrustfully.

Iruka nodded.

"Yes, let me show you!" and he started to add various things to the plate. "That's better. Mixing, mixing… and try it now!"

Kakashi winced, bringing the spoon with slightly brown now mass to his mouth and taking a probing leak with his tongue.

"Hmm…" he murmured approvingly, "sweetie!"

"That's chocolate syrup. Wait till you meet a hazelnut" said Iruka, smiling.

Suddenly he felt two strong hands on his waist.

"Stop scaring me, you …with your silent movements!" yelled Iruka.

"So you were not a virgin then. Tell me about your lovers, I want to know about every of them" said Kakashi.

"Why should I?" Iruka was amazed. "I don't need to tell you anything!" he added firmly, trying to escape from the tight grip.

"Iruka, tell me…" pouted Kakashi.

"Kakashi, I can't tell you what you want me to tell you" he turned around and dropped his eyes to the ground. "Yes, I was a virgin".

"According to our last night's libertine experiment, you are a rather strange virgin!" marveled Kakashi, nuzzling Iruka's neck.

"I presume you are complaining here?" asked Iruka, his voice plain.

Kakashi shook his head.

"No. Look, I want you…" Kakashi paused.

Iruka raised his eyebrows and laughed lightly.

"What, again? Well…"

Kakashi stopped his talking by pressing his fingers to Iruka's mouth.

"I want you to be my boyfriend" declared Kakashi. "Would you be the one?"

Iruka's eyes widened at first, but in a second they closed and Kakashi saw sheepish smile on Iruka's face. He frowned.

"What? No struggle, no yelling?" he asked. "No laughing, no…" his breath was caught by the amazing feeling of wet tongue caressing his fingertips. Kakashi bit his lower lip, ineffectually restraining a moan.

"No constructive objections" smiled Iruka before starting to leak the tentative places between Kakashi's fingers.

"Iruka, I want you…"

"To be your boyfriend?" teased Iruka. "I'd like to try it".

Kakashi moaned loudly.

"Right" said he, loosing the point in pleasurable sensations. "No! I say I want you, now. I want you here, now, all your…"

"I think I can help you with that" said Iruka gladly. He closed his eyes and lowered his hands down, catching the hold of Kakashi's ass,

"Oh, damn! And you say you were a virgin?" chuckled Kakashi.

"Yes I was" whispered Iruka in his ear. "And I still am. So if you'll stumble at it," he added, breaking all possible objections with the quick and firm palm grip on a rather noticeable bulge in Kakashi's pants. "…you'll regret it like mad" Iruka opened his eyes and looked sinfully in other man's eyes. "Do you get me?"

Kakashi licked his lips and nodded, starting to smile hellishly.

"I'm so going to get you, my virgin" he hissed, moving his heaps to Iruka's and rubbing their abdomens rhythmically.

Iruka groaned approvingly.

"My everlasting virgin!" whispered Kakashi.

Iruka raised his hands to Kakashi's hair and pulled him to himself, pressing their lips tightly together and stopping the meaningless talking for the sake of something big and pure.

end


End file.
